Lesson Learned

I hung out with Jeff last week--Jeff is my "ex" from Bainbridge Island. I say "ex" because we were never officially together, but I don't know what else to call him after a 6 months of being off and on. Hanging out with him really showed me what I learned from our "relationship" (using term so so loosely) and how it was destined to never work. Our relationship was pure passion, there was nothing to keep us grounded. Through him, I learned how to know when enough is enough. It took me 6 months to figure it out though, but I figured it out nontheless.

Next time, I vowed I would be smarter. I know I was the second time around. It was such a fluke, I wasn't even looking to meet someone. But then I did and for the first time I felt like I had that passion with a foundation I could run on. He is an amazing guy, one of my most favorite people in the world. But shit happens, and things fall apart.

Things change.

That is something I've learned this time around and it has made me more cautious. I often don't trust people, not to say breaking up with someone breaks their trust--love is so much more complicated and messy. This time I learned where my values were and how much I can open myself up to another person.

After seeing Jeff last week, I didn't feel sad or any of those old feelings, I felt smarter. And that prepared me to meeting this guy named Mike.

Mike's great. He's sweet, funny, weird and creative; all the things I want in a guy, but I know I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't even think I'm over my last one, but, damnit, I'm getting better. There's nothing going on with Mike more than a friendship of convienence, but just having that shows me what I was like in my past relationships. He constantly asks me if I'm okay, he gets me water all the time and I'm like, "Dude, shutthefuckup!!" I guess I'm still learning how to appropriately love someone and maybe this thing Mike and I have could be real? It's nice to know there are still guys out there who can make me nervous, who can make me laugh and treat me like I treat them.

Lately, I have been haunted by good memories and it just drags me down.