Slow Cheetah

It's been a long time, my old friend.

GOD, I love having the internet back, it makes things so much easier. AND my brother brought me my bike. THANK GOD! Have I been in a coma since I've been 16? I used to love riding my bike. I remember this one time my friend Craig went down this HUGE hill and biffed it hard. Or was that Toshi? Hmm... It was so long ago. 

Ah! I'm starting my tea, fruit and veggies detox tomorrow. Mmmm... Fresh fruit has sounded amazing to me since I've been back. On that note, being back has been a constant blast. The party we had at our establishment blew everyone's minds! Star machine was the main attraction, of course. 

I've been wanting to get organize lately, and that is freaking me out. I have been half-assing it for YEARS. But maybe my motivation/will power has stepped up.

...I love this guy:

He's just so darn cute eating that crab. Eff.

Did I mention I got a tattoo?

Yous like?

"There's no such thing as weaker sex, when you're a cop."

It's official, I am psyched for my video production class this fall. It's going to be nights and weekends, but I don't really care. I get to edit videos, which means I get to make movies. Movies = Porn. Porn = Funny. Funny = ?

So, I like photojournalism and telling stories through photos. Some people take pictures of symmetry, others just use interesting angles to make the picture more dramatic, but my technique is what you include in the photo. This could be some selective cropping, hidden magical/funny items and a weird depth of field.

I have an idea. It might be crazy, but I think it is sweet. I give credit to Josh and Brent for helping me think of this awesomeness that I am about to reveal to you. For those who don't know, my dancing abilities are... limited. SO, I was contemplating the grace, elegance and comedic value of power poses. You know what I'm talking about. It's like interpretive dance meets lazy cheerleading... In public!

Example:

Imagine the chaos! One guy out of a crowd doing a power pose... I just think it would be sweet to see like crouching mantis pose mixed in with some team spirit, ya know? Like, I see these being good pictures from far away and up close. IT'S LIKE WHERE'S WALDO! Except a little more real--just a little bit.

Did I mention I feel like there are too many things distracting me in Seattle? Eh.

And I want to do more googly art... Just 'cos.

SNOOK DIED BY THE WAY! He only lasted a week! Man, I got death on my hands and I can't shake it off. Whatever he was the dumb ass who drowned himself. Yep! My black-goldfish swam under the rocks and couldn't get out. Ha.

Dank

I'm fascinated with the sheepness of people. After all, I am in the business of persuading the public through media and entertainment. Sarah Palin? Total PR move. Complete and utter flash grenade eight weeks before the election. McCain gave America a conservative Sharon Osborne with family problems, a Disney story background and hot tits.

Tina Fey as Palin:

CLICK MEH.

I'm bummed! This whole having one full functioning arm is killing me! I'm so stir-crazy! I catch myself dreaming out doing push-ups and yoga. HOW GAY, RIGHT? Especially because I have this awesome workout book I bought at a garage sale. This guy Ralf Moller is a 80's permed babe! And his book is so unnecessarily gay/German.

Thank you, Tristan, for making me gayer.

I learned something interesting today. Actually a couple interesting things, when I think about it. 

1. RUSSIANS ARE CRAZY FOR HAIR HALF THE TIME WHEN THEY ELECT PRESIDENTS! I mean, that is a pretty sweet/pattern. Like, each president or dictator they've had in the 20th century. Kind of interesting, huh?

CLICK MEH.

2. Slings suck ass.

Is anyone else scared about the election?

I did a magnificant thing this weekend, I bought two goldfish. One gold and one black. I named them Snook and Snizz. It was all so... Transcendent. They are pretty sweet though, they just open and close their mouth while flying. They love me, they always swim up to me. Does that mean they recognize me as feeding them? Maybe... Is it me being ginger? No... 'Cos they love me? Hell yes.

--QUOTE OF THE DAY--

"Sorry, I was too busy thinking about tranny porn," muttered by Tristan Graham.

Sometimes I think I live an overly gay life. Then I look around and I don't feel like I'm that big of a flammer.

I danced between two large, gangily drag queens last night. AND the sling is a total shot magnet! That was deadly. By the end of the night, Tristan, Joe and I were stomping and twirling around the stage. It was exactly what I needed--a release.

Haha. I think a sling should be a red flag for entry into a bar, but I still got in.

HOLY SHIT BALLS.

THE GIMP ARM IS A BABE MAGNET! Man, I cannot tell you how many times people have stopped me and asked what happened. Depending on their A/S/L, I tell them different stories.

Office people/ Old people - "Oh, I slipped off the railing of my boat and bumped my elbow on the fiberglass."

Young Men - "Well, I come from a long line of bear wrestlers and I was trying to wrestle a panda, but it fucked my shit up! Oh, and I learned Pandas are not even bears... They're cute though, right? Hey, so ummmmmmm my name is Ryan and I like zombie movies."

Young Woman/ Children - "Masturbating accident."

Haha. When I want to look for something funny, I turn off my brain and something definitely not p.c. pops into my head. And when I was looking for a crazy picture today, I typed in "1930 negro porn" and then starting look at the pictured. WELL, my boss came up behind me to tell me about a meeting and she LUCKILY did not see anything... WOO! SAFE! How the hell could you explain that one?

I'm pleading the Fifth if anyone from my work sees this. 

Lesson Learned

I hung out with Jeff last week--Jeff is my "ex" from Bainbridge Island. I say "ex" because we were never officially together, but I don't know what else to call him after a 6 months of being off and on. Hanging out with him really showed me what I learned from our "relationship" (using term so so loosely) and how it was destined to never work. Our relationship was pure passion, there was nothing to keep us grounded. Through him, I learned how to know when enough is enough. It took me 6 months to figure it out though, but I figured it out nontheless.

Next time, I vowed I would be smarter. I know I was the second time around. It was such a fluke, I wasn't even looking to meet someone. But then I did and for the first time I felt like I had that passion with a foundation I could run on. He is an amazing guy, one of my most favorite people in the world. But shit happens, and things fall apart.

Things change.

That is something I've learned this time around and it has made me more cautious. I often don't trust people, not to say breaking up with someone breaks their trust--love is so much more complicated and messy. This time I learned where my values were and how much I can open myself up to another person.

After seeing Jeff last week, I didn't feel sad or any of those old feelings, I felt smarter. And that prepared me to meeting this guy named Mike.

Mike's great. He's sweet, funny, weird and creative; all the things I want in a guy, but I know I'm not ready for a relationship. I don't even think I'm over my last one, but, damnit, I'm getting better. There's nothing going on with Mike more than a friendship of convienence, but just having that shows me what I was like in my past relationships. He constantly asks me if I'm okay, he gets me water all the time and I'm like, "Dude, shutthefuckup!!" I guess I'm still learning how to appropriately love someone and maybe this thing Mike and I have could be real? It's nice to know there are still guys out there who can make me nervous, who can make me laugh and treat me like I treat them.

Lately, I have been haunted by good memories and it just drags me down.

I'm one arm away from being capable.

I broke my shit. I mean, I fractured the head of my left radius. And I'm sure you all know how I did it, so no need for explanation. 

I kind of feel like this, but it's all good. I'm learning to do things one handed. And sometimes I feel like a T-Rex. 

How you ever felt like the Black Sheep of your family? I do sometimes; however, I think I'm accepted and tolerated. My Dad, the other day, referred to me as the "artist one." 

"Hmm..." I thought. "Not so much, just eccentric Dad."

Anyway, I thought THAT was funny. 

I remember when I was sick, I would watch Nick Jr. Even till I was 13 or so. And I'd watch Jenny Jones and Jerry Springer into the wee hours of the night. 

Now, I watch cheesy horror movies for the same value and enjoyment. I kinda miss watching Nick Jr., but now it's just effing weird as balls. 

Wish me luck?